Crazy in a Good Way

I recently received this on fanfiction from a curious little person.  I was going to white out their name to save them the shame, but screw it.  I’m making a lesson out of him.

This friends, is a good way to get back at flames.  Humiliate your enemies to discourage repeat performances, but be so civil and secure that you can’t be shaken.  That’s key.

Here was my response.  Notice I was blunt without being rude and offended him without giving him much to say about me in return.  If you have any questions feel free to message me :)

“I can’t help but feel ridiculously proud of your “flame”. To be hated by even a few people is to be worth their time and given the length of your whining review you must have spent a good five minutes writing to me. For that, I honestly thank you.

Now, on a separate note, I hope what I’m about to tell you won’t pop your little “life” bubble too much, darling. You’re a hypocrite and have nothing going for you that would validate any of your statements. If you were, say, a writer that had well written and well reviewed stories I would possibly consider your “critiques” of genuine use to me. I can’t deny that I’m proud of my writing ability. It got me fives on both AP English Language and Literature exams. However, that doesn’t mean I’m so vain as to not accept advice. If there were anything in your long-winded review that could better my writing, I’d take it into account. Isn’t that just the definition of “an ego the size of Jabba the Hut (or bigger)?”

Don’t answer that. Of course it isn’t. You, however, do have quite a large ego. “If I had a quarter for the number of perverts pining for smut, I’d be a billionaire overnight and that is not a hyperbole.” That is hyperbole. An exaggeration (such as “cry yourself a river” and “cigarette-stub sized dicks” for your own reference) meant to make a point is a hyperbole. Also, it’s in bad taste to call someone by a label used to describe yourself. That’s called being a hypocrite. You imply that you have a better writing style and ability by confronting me. Is that not having a large ego?

To refute the implication itself, I’m going to refer to your single work which is both unfinished since 2012 and poorly written: “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The rise and fall of Icarus.” 7-15 word sentences per paragraph does not create dramatic effect. That’s just poor planning on your part. Also, the Percy Jackson fandom, which I am proudly a part of, does not appreciate people rewriting a very well established Greek Myth under the name “Percy Jackson” without any relevance in the story to the plot itself. Don’t try to comment on my lack of plot when you yourself lack any story with one. You have really awful grammar in that story, which if you compare my story to your own is fully beta’d and almost perfect. No one wants to read 300 word chapters unless something worth while happens in them.

Though, all of this is probably pointless since I’ve learned a lot about your psychology today. You think you’re being cute, don’t you? You can’t write well, as I learned from that god awful story and this review, and take it out on others that can. You call people “attention whores” because they have many reviews for even shorter stories simply because all the ones you receive detail how horrid you are. 

Here’s my real suggestion to you: grow up.

Your logic is that of a 12 year old who cusses and uses slurs to seem older, and while I don’t claim to know your age, if you’re any older that twenty I would suggest a psychologist. This is unhealthy. Find something in life that will occupy your time better than trying to make others miserable. Vengeful, jealous people like you end up ruining lives of less confident individuals than myself, you know? It’s really sad and I’m so sorry that you have to go through such a pathetic time in your life. I hope you improve in your mental condition quickly!

With all the love in the world,

Hopeless Romantic”

They’re never going to successfully rid FF of its lemons.  They must be so miserable with their lives to be pathetic enough to spend time bothering people.

Whatever, I really don’t give a fuck.  I can repost them if they manage to do something anyway…